May

Stepping into the month of May was crazy! 

I was still feeling crazy bad on a general level, but I had a good grip on all sorts of activities to fill my days. Besides hard strength training, body therapy and just generally being mindful about what I was doing, I had now also taken up yoga, meditation and breathing techniques. All on my own, as I didn't have the energy to participate in group activities. These activities are something I will be unfolding in more detailed form.

I also spent an incredible number of hours walking around the utterslev bogs without music, podcasts and audiobooks. All to stimulate my nervous system with the power of nature. 

I had entered a phase where my facial spasms and tremors had increased. It constantly felt like I was being pulled up and down in an elevator at 100 km/h, only to end with a solid bout of nausea that sporadically came and went. At the same time, my balance was affected again and I became relatively dizzy from time to time. 

I had also heard good things about acupuncture, which I signed up for at a Chinese doctor in Østerbro. It was a crazy process where I went 15-20 times and eventually had to stop. This is something I'm going to unfold in more detail.

Here are a few snippets from some of the best episodes in May:

Confirmation - don't remember the date. I had to cancel participation in a confirmation because I was not feeling well. My body was unbalanced and my immune system was still jumping and dancing a lot. 

It had been over 5 months since I had been out for a long bike ride at speed, which I couldn't do due to my body's response that triggered one or more anxiety attacks if my heart rate got too fast or high. But now it was time to try again. The weather was nice and I had something to do. I had therefore planned to take a 40-50 km ride at a slow pace. I got well out towards Hellerup and it went great, I went full throttle and kept a high speed over a long distance and tried to push the body a bit. When I reached Charlottenlund, my anxiety symptoms, such as tunnel vision, ringing in the ears, dizziness and extreme palpitations, started to return. The difference here was also that it felt like I had absolutely no control over how my heart beat. It was racing and it felt like it was beating out of rhythm. I got fuc.... scared, stopped the bike and sat down on the sidewalk. My body was shaking like crazy and I had a very hard time breathing. From here I drove quietly back home and sat shaking on our terrace for about 5 hours. 

I then booked an appointment for an electrocardiogram with the doctor, which showed that everything was normal

4/5/2023 - job center talk with stress specialist. Very stressful to talk to them. However, this person was very listening and guiding and did not urgently require all kinds of documents and signatures. 

14/52023 - My wife at work. The kids got into a standard conflict, I couldn't handle it professionally. I got tunnel vision, rapid breathing and paralyzed muscles. Mother-in-law picked up both kids. I spent 5-6 hours working out, doing yoga and meditating.

/Christopher