I remember March, correlated with what I have written down, as being just as crazy a month as January/February. The difference was perhaps just that I had now learned to stand up, be under maximum pressure, unresponsive, be in constant panic attacks, but at the same time I could tell myself that if I'm going to die from this fuc.... shit, I might as well do something "normal" at the same time and put my feet up.
My immune system was really under pressure. At first, I started getting eczema in several places, small blisters all over my skin - it was as if my mouth was filled with fluid and swollen a few millimeters. After a few weeks, the small blisters in my mouth increased in size and became blisters the size of a 1-crown. It was horrible, extremely painful and very moody. To top it off, I began a journey of more than 6 months where I also got strep throat on average once every 3 weeks. Initially, I was given pencillin, but I couldn't keep that up and instead used other techniques to relieve the symptoms.
It just got worse and worse and it was as if all the joy I had left in life had to go. I gave up all forms of stimuli such as alcohol, sugar, coffee, tea, and sparkling water for a start. My body completely shut down as soon as anything other than water, protein and vegetables came in.
Here are a few snippets from some of the best episodes in March:
Driving my wife to work with our daughter on 3/3/2023. I agreed with my wife to drive her to work during rush hour. We had our daughter in the car, who was to be dropped off at school afterwards. This was a good test for my body to see if I could handle it. We hit the entrance to KBH from Tuborgvej in the middle of rush hour. My body froze, my hands and legs went ice cold. I could hardly breathe, I almost threw up, but I didn't block my vision or hearing. We dropped my wife off and drove towards the school, I was in a hurry, but we made it to the school and I was completely exhausted by the time we got there. I drove straight home and slept most of the next day.
Meeting with the kindergarten about my daughter starting school 14/3/2023. We were invited to a meeting about our daughter starting school in the kindergarten. Before the meeting, it was as if my body was boiling, my intestines were churning in my stomach and with extreme nausea. Once we started, it was as if the symptoms became less and less.
Family birthday 19/3/2023. we drove to the birthday half an hour from where we live and it was me driving. It was heavy breathing the whole way and I got ringing in my ears, yawned a lot and had a solid round of nausea most of the way.
From 22/3/2023 - 25/3/2023, I remember this as one of the busiest periods in March. My wife was traveling with her studies/work. On Wednesday I pick up the kids from kindergarten around 16:30. We come home where they get lots of snacks and dinner on the sofa, all to defuse any conflicts. I put them in their nightwear/brush their teeth in the living room and put them to bed around 7pm. Reading a book with slightly heavy breathing and body anxiety. I sleep terribly and wake up in constant panic shocks. Thursday morning, we get up at 6:15 am. The kids have a party and have a pillow fight from the morning and "don't listen" to me to go to the bathroom and get dressed. I go into panic mode and have extreme thoughts about what to do if I suddenly pass out/fall over/can't communicate with/to the kids. As a result, I have really heavy breathing and it feels like my organs are churning inside my body. I call my mother-in-law who comes and gets them ready to go to kindergarten. I stay in another room, can't bear to be with the children. Friday, I pick up the kids in the late afternoon, have snacks ready, easy dinner served on the couch. They get everything they ask for without any guidance on what is nutritious or not, we go to bed at 7pm, breathing heavily and it feels like my organs are on their way out of my body. I sleep terribly, but have arranged with my mother-in-law that she will come Friday morning and help again + drop off the kids. She picks up the kids from kindergarten and they sleep with them until Saturday.
I drive up to my mother-in-law's on Saturdays around 10 am, where we have agreed to go to the art museum with the children, but I feel a tremendous unease in my body. My mother-in-law drives up there, and the children are extremely (it feels like) loud, + there are a lot of jerks in the car, so I get very heavy breathing and panic anxiety pretty much all the way from Søborg to Humlebæk. I hadn't put in earplugs at this point. When we arrived, I went out into the louisiana garden for about 30 min for me. Even before I went into the children's area, with earplugs in. I only really started to relax when I started doing creative things with our kids.
/Christopher
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