When we entered February, things really started to go downhill. I went from experiencing stress and anxiety attacks to being in one big collapse every single day. When I opened my eyes, I had no idea how bad my day was going to be, but I was prepared for it to take 100% of my human capacity and I counted the hours until I could close my eyes again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My body & mind were completely sidetracked, I could no longer get up and be with my family and I found it very difficult to cope with being alone with our children. Just the fact that they were moving fast, or getting on top of each other, as children do now, triggered the wildest anxiety attacks, where I hyperventilated, got tunnel vision and ringing in my ears. At the same time, I felt extremely nauseous, cold sweats and it felt like my body was being pierced by thousands of needles in slow motion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was now on full-time sick leave from my job with stress and was completely ashamed of it. It felt degrading and I couldn't stand the thought of not contributing to society and being driven into the big job center mill, with all the prejudices about their skills. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I started doing heavy strength training every single day, which really pushed the adrenaline out of my body during anxiety attacks. This, coupled with meditation and breathing techniques, is one of the most effective things on the market. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here are a few clips from some of the best episodes in February:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Interview at the job center 16\/2\/2023. I arrived at the job center at 9:45, 15 minutes before the meeting was to be held. I entered the reception area, where there were a number of tables\/chairs with a bunch of dubious characters exchanging glosses in various languages, very loudly. I checked in, sat down on a chair to wait for my name to be called. Then it said SLASK and I got so dizzy that I fell off the chair, totally dazed, ringing in my ears, my arms & legs shaking like a dog afraid of fireworks. My vision was completely blurred and my hands and feet were buzzing and freezing. My body was preparing for an escape exercise of the worst kind. I remember there was an older man sitting there talking to me, but I couldn't hear or see him at all. I crawled to the front desk and asked them to send their caseworker out to me in the parking lot instead, if they wanted to. Otherwise, my intention was just to drive far away and not look back over my shoulder. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A nice lady came out and checked that it wasn't a bunch of bullshit I was up to. We agreed that she would call me on the phone and we took the meeting instead. She sat in her office and I sat in my car, where we conducted the meeting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Playdate on a weekend when my wife was working 18\/2\/2023. This was probably one of my worst experiences ever, compared to not sleeping for a whole week, which comes in a close second. The wife was at work this weekend. She works as a nurse, so the weekends were sometimes allocated to me with the kids, alone. We left home around 10 am, where I could already feel that I had spent a lot of energy on conflict mediation, packing the car and pulling up the profits for 3 people. We just manage to turn off to a highway exit where my body starts to panic. I felt dizzy, shaky, nauseous, breathing problems. Luckily, there was a wooded area to turn off at, which I just barely reached. I had packed plenty of snacks in advance in case situations like this arose. The kids were equipped with an iPad and snacks and after 10-15 minutes of trying to calm my body with breathing techniques, we started rolling again. I felt fuc.... bad, but was keen to get going. We rolled out onto the highway towards Hiller\u00f8d and SLASK, then the symptoms returned with a factor of 100 in strength. My hands were shaking so violently that I couldn't hold on to the steering wheel and all blood supply to my arms and legs disappeared. My hands and legs went FREEZING and I couldn't breathe, see clearly or hear anything. PANIC PANIC, I had to turn the car into the emergency lane, turn on the hazard lights and collect myself. I was shaking, cold, breathing insanely heavy and bad and could barely see out of my eyes. Furthermore, I got a very clear taste of blood in my mouth that seemed unmanageable to deal with. From here, it was less than 10 km back home, which I spent about 1 hour on, on small roads in a huge panic attack with 2 children in the back seat. It was awful, horrible and something I wouldn't want anyone to experience. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meeting with Psychologist for the first time 20\/2\/2023. I drove towards \u00d8sterbro, where I had an appointment with a psychologist. All I could think about was getting to this person so I could get some help and get \"fixed\". I had talked to the person once before, who told me that the stress and associated anxiety can be really bad, but at least I could comfort myself that I wouldn't die from it, maybe faint at most, but not die - HAHA, I thought. I showed up at a good time, half an hour early, just to check out the surroundings I was going to meet. I beeped my way into a door phone and up the stairs it went. SLASH! Again, I was hit by a full blown seizure. I lost my orientation, my vision was more or less gone, my hearing was gone, my balance was shattered and I was insanely dizzy. I climbed the stairs and managed to stand up as I stood in front of the psych door. I was dying, my body was going MAX on all parameters. I took a running start and burst through the door, insanely anguished and sat\/lay down in a waiting room all curled up on a chair. The person came and picked me up and looked at me as if everything was completely normal. Just bring Christopher, we need to be in here. I sat down in a chair, completely slumped over and lisped an anguished hello when the second panic attack within 15 minutes hit me again. I was gasping for breath while trying to talk and the psychologist acted as if it was completely normal. I managed to utter that I didn't trust the person at first, as I felt my world had come crashing down. During this session I had 2 more seizures before we finally finished and I could get out of there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Drove past my work in car 2\/25\/2023. I tried to drive past my work to test how my body would react. I felt generally awful....so I didn't think it could get significantly worse.... Besides..... Starting a panic attack again. Fortunately a slightly lighter one, but still so pronounced that I had to get away as quickly as possible. I continued this exercise in both the car and on the bike with both covered body\/head, so I wouldn't meet anyone I knew, and with my head uncovered. All to test my body to the maximum every time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\/Christopher<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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